Missionaries Can Now Call Home! What That Means:

On February 15th, the Church announced missionaries can now call, text or video chat their families weekly on P-day. Now that everyone is past the initial shock and excitement of that announcement, we explore the other potential effects of this new policy:

  • Parents who were awakened by their kids at 3am for years are now celebrating the opportunity to wake up willingly at 3am to talk to them on their missions.
  • They now get to wake up at 3am weekly instead of just twice a year.
  • Soon you’ll be able to follow your missionary on Twittelder and Sistagram!
  • Now missionaries won’t be 2 years behind on their texting lingo.
  • Missionaries just got a new way to be trunky.
  • Elders will start calling their girlfriends “mom.”
  • Next the church will be developing missionary video games to missionaries’ video game addictions.
  • Instead of meeting missionaries at the airport, parents can now text their missionaries: “Take an Uber. You know where we live.”
  • Missionaries will be able to recognize their little brother when they get home.
  • The Church’s cell phone bill just rose 3000%.
  • Parents won’t be surprised by their missionaries’ funny accents when they arrive home.
  • Dads will start positioning the webcam with football games on TV conspicuously behind themselves during video calls.
  • The mission president can now expect calls each P-day from any parents that did not get a call from their missionary.
  • Instead of trying to fit 6 months into a phone call home, missionaries will be able to return to the awkward: “What did you do on your mission this week?” “Nothing.”
  • This may lead to a revolt when missionaries realize they have one less hour for basketball every P-day.